The Primary Program was Yesterday

It reminded me of my daydream of having the primary kiddos in my home ward sing I hope They call me on a Mission for my farewell talk...I just love the primary songs in Spanish.  I am totally biased. Spanish is the best ever.  Although, I did get my hands on a copy of the Book of Mormon in French this week, let's put this whole gift of tongues thing to the test ;)

It was a good week with lots of great experiences, little moments where I found myself saying "wow...I'm a missionary."  Almost 15 months in the mission and I still find myself saying that.  I dunno, from what I have been able to tell, you get to a certain point in your mission and start going downhill, not working so hard, getting a little lazy on the obedience, counting down the days till you get home.  Or you can be a missionary that just keeps on going.  It helps when you have a companion that has some awesome greenie excitement for absolutely every aspect of the mission ;) we just keep going, we keep seeing miracles happen, and we keep loving life.  I have the best job ever.

One of the great things that happened this week was with one of our investigators. She is really great, super receptive, she likes the message that we teach and how it blesses families...but she isn't married.  And she doesn't see the need to get married to her pareja (how do you say that in English?  I haven't a clue). And this week, my comp and I felt the strongest prompting to share with her The Family: A Proclamation to the World. It was very necessary to share with her this vital step in the Plan of Salvation and making it to the Celestial Kingdom.  And we felt that the best way to do is to share with her the proclamation.  Who can we trust more than the prophet of God?  That President Hinckley.  He just has a way with words.

It started out a little rocky- we invited her to read the first paragraph, where it says that marriage between a man and a woman is vital in the plan of God.  And eyes widened and her jaw dropped and she covered her mouth with her hand and just stared at us.

OH THE TENSION!

But thanks to the Holy Ghost, we were able to level it all out to even ground and we had a little open conversation of the subject.  It turns out that her reasons for not wanting to get married go much deeper than "I just don't see the point".  It was evident that at first, she did NOT want to talk about it.  But, 30 minutes later, she ended up confiding in us many things that she has seen happen, many things that have happened to her, and it gave us the chance to testify that God's way is always The Way.  That when we strive to be in His path and keep the commandments that He has given us, when we strive to make choices that can help us to be closer to Him, even to live with Him in the Celestial Kingdom, He will provide for us.  The lesson ended up being AWESOME, the Spirit was present, she confided in us her real feelings, and when we invited her to say the prayer at the end, she did so and then began to silently weep.

Oh no, what did we do?!

The thing is, her husband works a lot.  He is hardly home.  In Preach My Gospel it says that we shouldn't fear the silence, so we waited for her to collect herself, and then she said "I'm sorry that I am so emotional, I just really miss David, and the subject of the class today just made me realize how much I love him and how much I want to be with him forever."

It was great :) Church is true :) The spirit is real :) I just love love :)

Another great thing that happened this week was with a mixed family of inactive, recent converts, and investigators.  We were teaching about the importance of the sacrament, and miraculously, the whole family was sitting silently, paying attention.  I mean, WOW.  At the end, we invited the less active 16 year old son to give the prayer, and almost immediately, his mom said "He won't say the prayer. He never does."  But we invited him again to give the prayer, saying that it doesn't have to be anything extravagant, just what he is feeling in his heart.  And you know what he did?  He folded his arms and bowed his head and he said the prayer!  And it was a great prayer! When he finished and we all brought our heads up, his mom was crying.  She said that she had let go of the idea that he would ever want anything to do with the church again, and didn't even think to ask him to pray, or read the scriptures, or come to church.  She was shocked that he even sat down to listen to the lesson.

Guys, sometimes all we have to do is invite people to do something. We can be amazed at what can happen.

And of course I have an adventure to share of new missionary training.  I remember being in a meeting with my mission President's wife the day I found out I was training, and she told us that there will be days or lessons when our greenie says something absurd, and it will be our responsibility to fix it in the lesson and then to give that good 'ol criticism afterward. She taught us how to give sandwich feedback- say something good, advise, and finish with another good thing that they did.  Honestly, I find it a success that the first time that that happened was right as she hit a month in the field. We are doing good! But alas, that moment did come. She said something absurd, the man got offended, there was some thick tension, the Spirit certainly wasn't present...and we left and I was trying to go through in my head how exactly I could help her to know that that wasn't ok.  I was so flustered and I had no idea how to put it into the right words.

But almost as soon as we left the investigator's house, she blurted out "Oh Hermana Harkins, I feel like I did everything wrong and I have completely ruined it for him!" It turned out that I didn't even need to point out her error- all I had to do was love her! Give her a sandwich, like good moms do :)  I am learning that there are just some things that greenies do. As missionaries, we all have to pass through those rough moments of messing up and feeling horrible, and it is always way better to have your trainer give you love instead of criticism.  I certainly remember those moments in my training.
 The thing that she learned in that lesson is that we, as missionaries, have the answers to almost everything.  It's rad. We can answer people's doubts with many aspects of the gospel, it's one of the ways that I just know that this church is true.  Because it has EVERYTHING. All we have to do is study it out in our minds, ask God to confirm its truthfulness, and we all can know. And in that lesson, this man had many questions, comments and doubts. The best thing to do in those situations is listen to him so that we can know HOW to teach this beautiful truth that we have. But my comp just got so excited that she could answer all of his questions that she began to do just that...answer everything. And that, my friends, can be a little overwhelming for the first lesson with the LDS missionaries.  Long story short, it didn't end out too great. And she knew it. But it was something that she needed to go through so that she could see the difference #knowledgeofgoodandevil

But it was cool, because in the end, she recognized the difference. I told her that just because we have the answers doesn't mean we share it all.  Just listen and follow the Spirit and it will all work out, I promise!  And the next day, THE VERY NEXT DAY, something similar happened and I saw the desire in her eyes to answer every single question, but she explained that the message we share cannot all be taught in one lesson, but that with time and study and prayer, we can find all the answers to our questions. It was a proud mom moment.

So that's all, folks :) Be bold, stay rad, do what you do, and let your light so shine :)

Hermana Harkins

In My Need You Have Always Been There

Today, my pension roomie and gal pal Hermana McQuinn requested Motab Christmas music, so I whipped out my cd of Motab featuring Alfie Bo (duh) and we took a silent moment and let the song Bring Him Home sink into our souls. It was a good morning.

Well here we are, pressing forward, further and further! I can't believe that we are halfway done with this change, the time is seriously flying. So cliche, I know, but I am honestly in awe of it all. Before we know it, we will be facing Christmas and then January and then February and that is just ridiculous. I don't want to think about it. So I will just share with you all the little blessings and wonderful experiences from this last week :)

This Monday evening, we had a FHE with a less active family in the ward. Only the mom of the family is active, and after Sacrament Meeting on Sunday, she asked if we could come the next night to put on a little something for her family. We of course said yes. About 20 minutes later, she came and found us again and said "can you just be sure to do something really great?" She obviously had high hopes, so we asked what it is she would like us to teach. She said "Oh I dunno, something about eternal families or something, whatever you think is best."

I think we all know what it is that she wanted ;)

The next day, she called to tell us that she had invited another inactive family that also happens to be in our sector that we are helping, and when we heard, it made us a little nervous. We planned a great lesson based on The Family: A Proclamation To The World, and these two families are very different and have very specific needs. We were a little weary about whether or not it would all work out, but we pushed forward with the same plan to teach about the proclamation and the temple and eternal families.

And you know what? That Family Home Evening rocked. It was AWESOME. Yeah, they are very different families. And they have their different needs. They have their different trials and excuses for not doing what they know they should, and even though what we shared was direct, it was done with love and with the spirit, and by the end, almost all of us were left in tears. I have such a testimony of the power of the words of the prophets- only something given by the mouth of the Lord's servants can work such wonders in the hearts of his children. I know that the whole experience comes off as very simple when I try to explain it, but just trust me when I say that the spirit was strong.

Another great experience happened with yet another family that is struggling with enduring to the end; when I first got here, we visiting them once and chose to put to them to the side for a moment because they weren't progressing and it was a tad obvious that they honestly didn't want visits from the missionaries. Last week, we felt a prompting to go visit them, and it turned out that it was just the moment when they were in spiritual need. We went in with a plan to teach one thing, but almost immediately, we both recognized that it was NOT the message that they needed. While we didn't know right away exactly what it was that they needed to listen to or feel, we just listened. Listened to what it was that they needed to say, knowing that the spirit would help us to know. And eventually it DID come. And it was a wonderful lesson.

It is wonderful that we as members of the church all have the humongous blessing of receiving the gift of the holy ghost, and that if we can tap into that communication that we have with God, that is how we can truly be instruments in the Lord's hands. I remember that being one of my biggest insecurities when I first started my mission. The idea of it all baffled me, being someone who had never felt that sensation of being "an instrument", or at least in the way that I expected it to be. Now, I really can testify that it is something marvelous to be under the complete influence of the spirit. Best job ever.

And to end, I wanted to share what I learned from our big visit this week from Elder Nelson. (Is it normal to receive so many visits from general authorities in your mission? I feel outrageously blessed!) It really was wonderful. He started out with a detailed description of the Abrahamic Covenant and the 12 tribes of Israel, and how these two things help to identify ourselves as missionaries and messengers of the Lord. I couldn't relay it to you all if I tried, but in the moment it all made sense and it was all very profound. He talked about our responsibility to help others to come to the path of the Lord or to return if they have turned astray. He just has the most adorable way about him, I am such a fan girl of our Prophet and his Apostles.

At the end, we had a pretty amazing experience. He said that he wanted to share his testimony. The whole while, he had someone translating everything for him. But he took a deep breath and began speaking in Spanish. Now, I don't know where he served his mission, I don't know if he knows how to speak Spanish...but what I do now is that his accent was perfect, he was rolling his rs, and he was talking in vuestro-vosotros, which is the Spanish biblical vocabulary. And he started his testimony by saying that he had an apostolic prophecy for us in the conference. Yeah, strong stuff. You can say it was a good meeting :)

May we all remember what we signed up for in the pre-mortal existence...Sister Nelson talked about our "earthly to do list" before her husband spoke, and it was very touching. Every thing that we go through in this life, good and bad, tough and miraculous, crushing and defining, seemingly-impossible and defining, are things that we KNEW we would go through. We all have a list of things to do. One of MY things on my to do list is to serve the Lord in Chile. And there are people that have on their list to accept the gospel from the sister missionaries in Chile. What's on your list? Chew on that. Food for thought. I'd love to hear your thoughts :)

So be bold, stay rad, do what you do, let your light so shine, and remember your to-do list!

Hermana Harkins

I learned how to appreciate sunsets on my mission

It's true though, we are getting into summertime here, which means that we are seeing more of the sunsets every night. They are spectacular. I just feel like before the mission I got so wrapped up in so many other tidbits and I didn't realize how beautiful it is when our Heavenly Father starts playing with summertime sunsets. Out of the many things that I have learned and will continue to learn on my mission, I am so thankful that it has taught me how to slow down and appreciate Gods magnificent creations.

And this week was a good one. Remember all those emails from last month where it was a lot of walking, a lot of doors knocked, a lot of contacts, and just not too much success? Well, it is all starting to catch up in these last two weeks since Hermana Damian has come. I really just know that God knows what to do to lift up his new missionaries and get them animated; some need a rough start and some need explosive success, and it makes me very thankful that my hijita can start out her mission teaching and inviting a lot. She really is a gem, I am so motherly-prideful.

One of the best experiences from this week happened with a woman we found named Ana. She was kind when we started talking to her in the street, very direct in saying that she is part of the Evangelist church, but was open to letting us come back to her home to share a message with her. Once we got there we started talking with her, trying to get to know her, but she dived right in and said "I want to hear about what you all believe in."

Alrighty, then! Lets get started!

So we shared with her about the Restoration of the Gospel, started with how God is our heavenly father and ending with Joseph Smith and the Book of Mormon.She was relatively silent the whole way through, simply nodding her head when we asked her questions, but she wasn't saying anything. So we get to the point where we invite her to pray to know if what we taught is true, and she said that she would. She then told us that she had heard many things about "the Mormons", and that more than anything, she invited us to come back because she wanted to know if we believe in God and in Jesus Christ. That she was thankful that she did let us come back, because for many years, she was taught that we worship Joseph Smith and that we don't believe in the Bible.

Now that is honestly not the first time that I have heard that from someone. But the amazing thing with Ana is that she took the time to let us come and teach with the spirit, clarify the shady areas, and she had a strong desire to let us come back, to accept a copy of the Book of Mormon, and to really do her part to know if this is the truth. Perhaps she was silent. Perhaps she was stoic. But she has DESIRE. And that is what we are looking for.

Fun fact, an 11 year old jovencito that we are teaching has a coin collection, and he gave me a nickel and a Chilean coin from 1895. That was on Halloween, we taught him the 10 commandments, and when we invited him to keep the commandments, he said "Well, it IS Halloween. I think my only problem will be the "thou shalt not kill."" What a gem, right? For Halloween, we switched name tags. We have our fun :)

Another great thing that happened this week was with a recently baptized 9 year chiquilla. She loves having us missionaries over to share messages with her, and she has some crazy big desires to go to church, but she never reads her Book of Mormon. And her mom tells her that she cant go to church unless she does her reading. We started really hunkering down on that, because we want to get that little girl coming to church again, and when we went to her house this week, she ran out to the gate to let us in screaming "I read, hermanas! I read!"

Oh my goodness, best thing ever to see a little girl so excited to tell us that she DID it. She DID her part, what she knew she was supposed to do! To make her mom happy, to make the missionaries happy, to make HERSELF happy so that she could go to church, but more than any of that, to make her Heavenly Father happy. We made her a little card and gave her a candy bar to reward her, she was the happiest individual alive in the chapel this Sunday, wearing her new skirt and new shoes and grinning from ear to ear...I have the best job.

As for training, it is going pretty well. I definitely love my comp, she is a doll. But there are some interesting things that go down when you train. I really know that God is with us every step of the way, and that He gives us experiences and challenges to shape us into who He needs us to be, because we have had some weird stuff go down since she has arrived. We have had people yell at us, conversations with a few drunk people, we had someone confess to us...all sorts of crazy shenanigans, some of which I had never had happen to me until this point in my mission. It's certainly an adventure, we are having our fun figuring it all out together :)

And of course I recognize that it is mom training. I realized something this week- I realized that I cannot make her the type of missionary that I think she should be, or what I think a missionary should be like. I don't know, I think I went into this thinking that I had to help her become a missionary. But it's not like that, she already IS a missionary. She has already been set apart. And she already has her course set by her Heavenly Father to become a wonderful messenger of His truth. I am only here to guide her and to teach how to teach, how to gain people's confidence, I am only here to help her know the rules, teach her the rails, set her on the missionary path. Never before have I felt so much like an instrument. Not in the way, like "wow, I am an instrument in the Lords hands, how rad am I." No. Not even close.

It has humbled me to the dust! I am ONLY an instrument. That in and of itself is a big responsibility, but I am simply an instrument to guide her to know what it is that she must do to be an effective missionary. In that first week, I was so nervous about the training program, about the little things she did that she didn't even know were against the rules (yeah! 6:30, time to wake up!), I fretted over every little thing, like I'm sure every trainer- or mom- does when they first get their kidlette. But I came to the realization this week that I am only an instrument. Only here to help, only here to love. Everything else will fall into place.

Well y'all, I hope you have a marvelous week. Be bold, stay rad, DO WHAT YOU DOOOOO and let your light so shine!

Hermana Harkins

Me and my hijita :)

For Mitchell- better believe I've got an investigator in Toronto ;)

Ba da ba ba ba...I'm loving LIFE

Guys, training is FUN :)

For starters, my new companion is a total doll! Monday afternoon we had lots of trainings, Tuesday morning we went to the TEMPLE MY FIRST TIME IN OVER A YEAR OH MY GOODNESS IT WAS SO AMAZING, and Tuesday evening we got our greenies. It was all a little nerve-wracking and gave me some crazy butterflies in my stomach. It would be nice to know before who your companion is going to be, her name, what she's like, how old she is...but President is very wise and he interviews all the new missionaries before assigning them to their trainers, he's great, isn't he? Then the way that it goes is that the new missionaries get the name of their companion and they have to come out and find us. We were all lined up outside the chapel with our backs towards them and they had to come out and search our tags to find their trainer.

And my comp, she's adorable. My first impression of her was a humongous hug and her squealing "I AM SO EXCITED!" Her name is Hermana Damian, she is 23 years old, from Peru (Lima, the capital), she is a convert as of 4 years ago, there are 6 siblings in her family and she is the second youngest, only one of her older brothers is a member, her parents are separated, her mom passed away a year ago from bone cancer, she is a very mature but fun-loving missionary who has the craziest amount of excitement for the work. It was literally the very first thing she told me, and it is the truth! We dropped her bags off at the pension and got right to work. We even had special instruction to work an hour later than usual, just to really get them broken in.

It was the best. She was just so excited to talk to EVERYONE. With every person we contacted, she launched right into "We are missionaries!" And then into her own little spiel of what it is that we teach. It was just the cutest thing, she was so excited to say that WE are missionaries and WE are here to teach and WE are here to help people come unto Christ. I now understand why people say that it is the best thing ever to have a greenie, because they just are crazy stoked to talk to absolutely everyone about the gospel. Or maybe I am just a prideful mommy and I think that my little Hermana Damian is the best thing ;) maybe it's a little bit of both ;)

And I'll be honest, at first I was a little nervous, wondering if I have what it takes to train someone how to be a missionary. Those normal self doubts that Satan always tries to plant in your head, you know how it can be. I felt a huge responsibility on my shoulders, and I did not want to mess it up. But almost immediately, I realized that she knows so much. She has been so well prepared. She has absolutely nothing to hold back, every time she shares her testimony, she just pours out her whole soul to the person. Every time we contact someone in the street, she recognizes their worth as children of God who NEED the gospel, and she speaks to them with such love and urgency to share the message of the gospel. It is a beautiful thing to witness. It is so cliche of me to say, but I really don't even feel like I am teaching her. She is teaching ME. I am simply an instrument in the Lord's hands in helping her to reach her beautiful potential as a missionary.

And it's just so FUN :)

And this week was full of some amazing experiences. It was our most successful week in this sector in my whole time here. We contacted almost 130 people! That is a lot of children of God! And it was a good first week for a new missionary; she invited a few to baptism, to come to church, we changed lesson plans once or twice because the spirit told us that what we had planned was not what they needed to hear, and at the end of it all, we have come out like those friends that say "Ive only known you for a week, but I feel like I have known you forever!" We are always talking and laughing and sharing our personal experiences and it's all just so mushy, I know, but I am just so happy with it all!
One of the greatest experiences of the week happened with a less active family that we have been helping for a while. On Saturday, we just went crazy teaching people, we wanted to do lots of short but powerful lessons about the Sacrament and the Atonement to motivate people to come to church the next day. At the last minute, Hermana Damian mentioned that we should visit this family. I hadn't thought to because we had an appointment with them for the next day, but we stopped by anyway. And almost as soon as we came into the house, we could tell that something was not right. The mood was very tense and we picked up on it almost immediately. We started talking with them and they confided in us that their car repair shop had been robbed  earlier in the week, and that they were feeling all sorts of anger and frustration and sadness and worry and you know all those icky feelings that come (I know I do). We changed that lesson real quick, shared Helaman (is that how you spell it in English?) 5:12, the spirit was strong, it was a good lesson. Once we finished, the mom in this family told us that she felt that we were going to come by that day. That she had started to organize and clean the house because she "heard a little voice say" that the missionaries were going to stop by. That was when we told her that we had also heard "that little voice" telling us to stop by their house. It's just wonderful when we can recognize that God is in the little details of our lives, he knows and communicates with us, all that we have to do is LISTEN!

Well guys, my p-day time is coming to an end. Until next week, be bold, stay rad, do what you do and let your light so shine :)

Hermana Harkins

The temple!

We hermanas all made signs to welcome our greenies

The greenies coming down the stairs to find their trainers

Hug!

Just some crazy big joy :)

With president :)

You guys will not beleive it

Drum roll...

Guess who is TRAINING!

That's right :) Hermana H :) I feel basically in shock, we had our big mission meeting this morning about changes, and that was where I found out. Lemme tell you, I'm feeling pretty...just, speechless! We will receive our little greenies tomorrow in the afternoon, tomorrow morning we get to go to the temple (OH MY GOODNESS MY FIRST TIME IN OVER A YEAR!!!!), and tomorrow night we get started! We had a little training today to prep us, and as soon as we get our companions tomorrow, we go right to work. Things have changed in this last year since I came to the field. I remember taking a lot of time that evening to unpack my things and my companion was pretty easygoing with everything.

But nope! We have got some pretty high expectations going on here! We even have special permission to stay out an hour later to teach and preach and work as missionaries do, to give our little chillens an idea of what the mission is like. AAAH I AM JUST SO STOKED! I'm not going to be dumb and pretend that I think that it won't be hard, of course it is going to be difficult. But I am still just so excited for this adventure! And to help someone else have a wonderful, missionary adventure, as well.

So if anyone has any training or mothering advice, or anything of the sort, I am open to anything :)
And as for this week in El Manzano, we had some pretty great experiences. We found an amazing individual named Juana, a sweet Evangelist woman that we contacted in the street that immediately expressed her desire to have us come back and share a message with her. We taught the message of the Restoration, and she told us how much she wanted to read the Book of Mormon, even that she feels that the church is true.

She confided in us that the reason that she started going to the Evangelist church is because her husband passed away a few years ago, and she found herself with a hole in her heart and it had to be filled with something, she just didn't know what. There is an Evangelist congregation relatively nearby, and she started going. But upon speaking with her about her beliefs, it was easy to tell that she isn't converted. That she is still searching. I am SO EXCITED to teach her about The Plan of Salvation, she is going to just flip :) And want to be baptized :)

Also today in our changes meeting, we had a special visit from an Area 70, Elder Nuñez. Surprise surprise :) Also next month, Elder Nelson is coming. I dunno, it seems to me like we as a mission have lots of visiting Authorities, for it being Chile, and all. Pretty far away from Utah. But anyway, he lives nearby, and he came to speak to us today, and lemme tell you, it was delightful. He talked a lot about the importance of being obedient- "There is great security in being obedient." He told us that the mission is one big leadership training, if we let it be. That we truly have the responsibility to "resurrect the people who are spiritually dead." He got us all pretty pumped up to go out and work.
But my favorite thing that he talked about was the importance of using the Book of Mormon to teach people. That sometimes as missionaries, we get into the bad habit of leaning more towards the Bible because perhaps people accept it more, maybe it causes less tension, it's the middle ground we have with people...but the Book of Mormon is one of the very important things that sets us apart from everyone else. It's the key to our religion and the most powerful tool that we have, as members and missionaries, to convert and be converted.

So USE IT.

Sorry this is a shorty, my time was cut a little short today. But I love you all! Be bold, stay rad, do what you do and let your light so shine!

Hermana Harkins

We found a cool spot in the country outskirts of our sector

One of our less active members has a baby porcupine...that's normal ;) not really ;)

My comps last day :(

The three hermanas that will be training this group! Hna Mittlesteadt, my ccm comp!

Transfer day

Elder Bertagna, Hermana Salazar, Hermana Harkins

The new hermana trainers

This week, the sister missionaries of Santiago Mision Oeste packed away the tights FOR GOOD

Must be spring time ;)

I am very excited for today's email, simply because I have my soul to pour out. Those are always the best forms of communication, from what I have been able to tell :) The week started out great; everyone in my CCM group got to go to President's house for a special year mark lunch (even though I have less than 5 months left...QUE ES ESTO?!), and it was great to see everyone and have that moment to catch up and share some experiences. We took a picture together as gringos, it was crazy to see how small our group has gotten. Talk about enduring to the end!

We also had a great multi-zone meeting, SO spiritual and fantastic. We talked a lot about El Plan Piloto, it's possible that that little experiment put on by the area presidency will be released to the whole mission work in the world! I hope so, it has proven to be very miraculous. We did a fun activity where we all had a number sticker on our badge from 1 to about 120, and at random moments, President would just call a number, and we would have to go up and share something about what we learned from general conference. I didn't get to share, but my comp and another hermana and I put together a special musical number in less than 10 minutes to sing for the meeting, so I still felt pretty good about the spiritual contribution ;)

Also, side note, I want to be just like my mission president's wife when I grow up! She is a mom of four, mission president's wife, speaks 3 languages as far as I am able to tell, is learning how to speak Latin, and President B made a comment about her learning how to make a new kind of bread this last week for a dinner that they were doing for some friends. I mean, it requires a super woman to be able to do all that! Did I mention that she is also the early morning seminary teacher in the stake where my mission President is also the STAKE President? That is nothing short of divine assistance.

So this week, let's just say it how it is, it is a struggle. I don't even know how to describe it without saying all that I have done before. The only difference is that it seems to be going downhill. In all of our tiring efforts, we are continuing to see next to no progress. It is a huge blessing that my comp and I are such great friends, that we have amazing unity and when we actually get to teach, we do it with the spirit and it's GREAT. But after five weeks of next to nothing, and putting a lot of effort into staying happy and positive, we both fell a little bit. We both had moments where we just cried.
Not crying because of the lack of success, really. But crying because we both started this change with so much energy to work and we still have a humongous love for this sector and everyone in it and we don't even KNOW all of them. And with all that we are doing, nothing happens. I know that we should suck it up and accept that the mission is just LIKE this sometimes, but it's hard. The mission is just hard and you cry sometimes. Saturday was the hardest. We got back to the pension and were just so exhausted, and that ugly little thought had come into my head that was so obviously of the adversary that said "how long do we have to suffer like this until something happens?"

Once that entered my mind, I immediately felt distraught and I pushed it way out. But I still felt alone. As much as I know that God loves me, that my family supports me, that my comp rocks, that I have those that I love and that love me all backing me up, I was not able to overcome in that moment the extreme feeling of loneliness that came over me. I went to bed after planning for the next day hoping that I could wake up and the feeling would have left, but it was still there when I arose the next morning.

But then came the Sacrament :) I just prayed to be able to feel less alone, to receive the strength to keep doing this and to continue on with this energy and love and endurance that I started out with and that I do NOT want to lose. I do not want to get frustrated or negative or discouraged. I only have so much time left to fully dedicate myself to the Lord, and I do not want to waste a moment of it. I just gave my soul to the Lord in that moment. Like taking off a backpack full of boulders.

Side note- for my baptism, some close family friends made a small, patchwork quilt for me that they explained to me was a representation of the gift of the Holy Ghost. I remember Kyle Wilson wrapping it around my shoulders and that being the first time that I recognized feeling the holy ghost, and it was warm and loving and beautiful. You better believe I cherish that patchwork quilt to this very day! Anyway, the point is that since then, the WAY that I feel the spirit has changed, but I have always remembered that first time just screaming YOU ARE LOVED.

And as I sat there in our little chapel in Chile, pouring out my soul to My Maker, I had that same feeling come. It felt like the first time since having the quilt wrapped around my shoulders and feeling the immense love of my Heavenly Father for me. It was just Him saying "you are loved." "you can do it." "you can make it."

I will quote Kim Harkins in an email she sent me a few months back- "Satan relishes in throwing us off track. WE CANNOT ALLOW IT. NOT FOR ONE MINUTE. THERE'S JUST NO TIME FOR IT."

Couldn't have said it better myself :)

And of course there were some great moments this week. It wasn't all blood, sweat and tears (literally.). We found more less active members that are just READY to accept the gospel again in their lives. We found a new investigator to teach, my companion contacted her when she was in divisions while I was at lunch with the President, and at first she said that she was NOT interested, but that we could come back because her husband is inactive. But when we came back and took the time to talk to and get to know them, she opened up more and we were able to share a message with them and invite the spirit into their home, and now she wants to continue listening. I of course am able to recognize all those little blessings. I just know that something wonderful is going to come from all this work that we are doing :)

Guys, the church is true :) I just know it ;) Be bold, stay rad, do what you do and let your light so shine!

Hermana Harkins

Spiritual Exhaustion

You know all those stories in the Bible, Book of Mormon, and prophets in general, where after they receive beautiful revelation and magnificent, celestial visions, they are just pooped? Wake up laying in the grass and aren't really sure how long they had been there? Lehi, Joseph Smith... just pure exhaustion from the crazy level of spirituality?

That's exactly how we felt after conference :)

So we had the blessing of being able to listen to it once again in English, although President laid down a new rule saying that we cant bring "buffets" anymore; little snacks for in between, but nothing huge and extravagant, like we gringos enjoy doing. That of course, was after we had passed some money over to a brother in the ward to do us a favor and go to a special grocery store where they sell Dr. Pepper...haha but we were obedient and drank it in between sessions, coupled with some dried fruits (pineapple and strawberry) and lemon alfahores :) I dunno why, but we just can't do conference without those special little goodies! At least ME, I did after all grow up with Kim Harkins ;)

My list of favorites...
Lynn G Robbins
D. Todd Christofferson (was it NOT the cutest when he said Buenos Dias?)
Deiter F Uchtdorf
Jiorg Klebnegat (his talk was like Alma 5 and 12...PALOS)
Henry B Iyring (the only one that made me tear up)
Richard G Scott
Carlos A Godoy
Jeffery R Holland (when he said Bien Hecho. What a chap.)
and of course President Monson :)

Honestly, I feel such a deep and abiding love for General Conference, much more so than before my mission. I was thinking about it...I have always listened to and loved conference, but I feel that I never truly treasured it until now. To go in with questions that I need answered, as I listened, scriptures came to mind and I was able to receive that beautiful, personal revelation that so many touched on, and it brought me peace and JOY! We are part of such a joyful gospel, and I feel so biased towards the three general conferences that have happened while I have been serving, and of the numerous things that I am thankful to my mission for, I am eternally thankful that it has enriched my appreciation for general conference. I hope y'all treasured it as well :)

And as for the work in El Manzano, we are finally seeing some fruits to all that tiring walking that we've been doing! (My comp and I have both broken some shoes!) We found a woman named Paula. She was receiving the missionaries before but doesn't remember very much, but she did say numerous times that she kept waiting and praying to feel that this is the truth, but that she never received an answer. She remembered that the other missionaries showed her lots of little video clips and taught a lot about the holy ghost, but she was never able to feel that burning in the bosom.

Thank goodness she said that we could come back! There are some situations like that when they just don't see any point to give it another try, but she decided to open her heart once again and let us come and share the message of the Restoration with her. When we got to the point of inviting her to pray to know if it really is the truth, we asked her what it is that she is expecting to feel. She seemed to be caught off guard, and it turns out that she didn't even know what it was that she was waiting for. "Just something magnificent." But that gave us the chance to share that little gem in Galatians 5:22-23 that talks about the fruits of the Holy Ghost. Better believe some of those yummies were present :D haha #missionaryjokes

We also had a touching experience in contacting. While knocking doors, we found an older man named Luis. It took a little while, but he accepted the pass along that we offered and told us that he believes in Christ because of the evidence, but that he does not believe in God. With a little coaxing and Christ-like love, he told us about how he had a family, a house, a car, and a good career. But that because of a mistake that he made, he lost all of it and is now living in this little "shack." He even wept, asking how we could know of such a surety that God exists if he allows such hard things to happen.

It was one of those situations where we couldn't have explained, even though we had the answer, because we knew that his heart just wasn't ready. He wasn't asking to get an answer, he was asking just to get it out. So we simply testified. I know that God is our Heavenly Father and that He loves us, and I know that He sent His son, Jesus Christ, to suffer and die so that the sting of the pains of life are not so unbearable. I know that Christ IS proof that God exists, and I know that God is aware of what Luis is going through, and that He desires that we can all come to Him through Christ so that we can have eternal peace.

He thanked us for our words and told us that it made his day more bearable. He wouldn't let us put down an appointment to come back and he wouldn't accept the pamphlet about The Plan of Salvation that we offered, but he did say that we touched his heart. And that is the most important thing.

So that's my two cents for the week :) Be bold, stay rad, do what you do and let your light so shine :)

Hermana Harkins